“She get’s so lonely, why can’t even one person from her Church visit?” Posed to me this morning, from someone caring for her Mother who knew my history.

Caregiving is the most rewarding job in the world, it is also the most difficult. A job most know nothing about, but stay ready with suggestions and advice about what to do. Hear me when I say, “They.Know.Nothing.”

As my beloved Mother’s primary Caregiver in her last years, it was my greatest privilege.  She taught me so much. I learned about myself; more about her, my siblings; extended family; Church family; and Friends.

We began having caregivers before we actually needed them because Mother was lonely. Knowing it was impossible to stay in the room chatting with her all day, every day, I made the decision to bring someone in to keep her company.

Then, in last two years of her life, Mother didn’t want to be without a member of family during the night, specifically one of her three daughters. It was left up to me, leaving me house-bound too. God SO blessed those nightly conversations. We would talk, sometimes into the wee hours of the morning. Those times are among my most cherished memories and with me forever.

Beyond friends who’d traveled the same road, few understood. As we enter the Holidays, my suggestions to make a difference in the life of another.  

1. CALL before any visit. Even to change pajamas, or bed jackets, it takes a moment. 
2. VISIT when you say you will or call to cancel. Plans can change. Let the Caregiver know if a visit is no longer possible.   Well-meaning friends once told Mother they were coming ‘Friday’. Friday morning we got up, dressed then waited all day for someone who never showed or called. Yes, it broke my heart for her. 

   It’s not tolerated in business, why is it acceptable for us to do this to Friends or Family?

3. FOOD. Learn any health restrictions. Honor the information. There were times we were practically force-fed food as the ‘cook’ sat, watched, saying “It won’t hurt just this one time. Isn’t it delicious?” 
4. CLEAN UP after yourself.   
5. TALK & SEE.  Look in their eyes, tell them what you’ve been doing, ask about their children and grandchildren. Pray with them. Ask who they would like you to pray for, for them? Most are starving for company and communication with the outside world. Church is usually what is missed the most. 
6. MAIL. Even a postcard is appreciated. 
7. WRITE. Offer to write letters or cards, be prepared to drop in the mail upon leaving. 
8. NEWS. A new baby? Recent wedding? Photos are loved and a connection to celebrations now missed. Mother sent baby gifts and wedding gifts for every church shower. She read every morsel of the Church bulletin, memorizing names and faces in the directory. Why? To see in her minds-eye who needed prayers as she read her bulletin. That is how important Church was to her life. 
9. ASK. Is there anything I can do for you today, to make your life easier?  
   

People who cared for my Mother when it was difficult on everyone (including her) will always have my love, respect and loyalty. 

We should put our elderly on pedestals, love and cherish them. It is the most rewarding work we can accomplish.  ONE thing every day, even a phone call can make the difference in their life and in yours.  

If you or your church is interested in developing a Caregiver Program and have questions, email me: b@brendamcclain.com.

Brenda McClain is Gallery Director of Art on the Green.  She Blogs about the Magic being made daily at artonthegreen.net and experiences as Entertainment Publicist at BrendaMcClain.com.

God must have a funny sense of humor, a little girl from Texas who wanted to grow-up and save all the animals, is now Mom and Nana to a herd of people, but not in the traditional family format.

Growing I thought family was always a husband and a wife, plus their children (if they have any). Today, however, our society displays greater diversity. There are several alternative family forms. They include but are not limited to: single parenthood, cohabitation, LGBT relationships, polygamy, and the extended family.

Laughingly my family does not fit the traditional definition of family or any of the alternate definitions of family forms.  If the definition of family was – a group of people with strong emotional attachments, my family would well defined.

Growing up I did not envision my grown-up life with a big family.  My family was a traditional family. My father had a strong opinion about family and a negative opinion of alternative lifestyles.  As I have grown in my faith and understanding of people, my vison of family changed.  Some additions to my bonded family, have caused me to question my beliefs.  Is it ok to have a grandchild born out of wedlock? Is it ok for a daughter to live with someone before marriage? Is an alternate life-style acceptable? Can you love someone who has been to prison? Is wanting the best for someone outside of your traditional family your responsibility?  The answer to all of these questions is – it is not my place to judge.

Each of these questions were answered by one single statement found in the Bible:  John 13:34-35 ³⁴ “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. ³⁵ By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”   There are multiple verses in the bible that instructs us to “love one another”?  That means – do not judge, do not dictate, do not set limits, do not half-way give of yourself and belongings. 

So what does my family look like?  The Big Man and I have six adult children (mine, his, and someone else’s), five perfect grandsons and three awesome little girls that call us Nana and Poppy.  Of course there are the spouses and significant others that come with the adult children, numbering four.  We have opened our home to others at different periods of time, including those without a home and those without a family. 

As I look around my den or dining room during the holidays I am reminded that as little girls we cannot imagine the dreams and blessing God has for us, we just think we know the plan.  When the noise level is so loud you can’t hear or the phone is ringing constantly because everyone is in everyone’s business, I realize that I am bonded to all the voices by love.  I am not to judge but to love, In Luke 12:48 “When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required.” I have been given much – much more than a little girl from Texas could ever imagine. We are not a traditional family.  We are much, much, more, we are God’s Family, bonded by friendship and love, sharing a small corner of the world, in Northeast Arkansas.

Connie is a 50-something wife, mother, Nana, doggie mom, vegetarian, living in the small community of Blytheville, AR. located in the far Northeast corner of the State. She shares a home with her husband aka The Big Man, 14 rescue dogs and 7 chickens. Collectively they have six adult near-perfect children and five perfect grandboys, 1 sweet granddaughter, 2 god-daughters and 5 awesome granddogs.  Connie is a family nurse practitioner who runs a small clinic and manages a free health clinic (Great River Charitable Clinic). Her and the Big Man also own and operate Bed and Biscuit Boarding. Connie is an active member of the Blytheville Humane Society. Her Blog http://scrapbookwife.blogspot.com/ chronicles her journey to live a balance simple life making her little corner of the world a better place to live.

by Yavonda Chase

We are nearing my favorite holidays of the year – Thanksgiving and Christmas.

When I was a kid, Christmas won out, of course. What kid doesn’t love opening all of the presents? And as an adult, I admit that it is still at the top of the pack because I so enjoy watching the wonder in my child’s eyes as she opens her presents. In fact, I think I have more fun watching her now than I did unwrapping my presents as a child.

But Thanksgiving comes right behind it. For years, I chalked it up to the food. I mean, no other banquet comes close to the Thanksgiving spread, probably because those other banquets don’t have my mama’s cornbread dressing. I’m sure you’ve had good cornbread dressing, but you really haven’t lived until you’ve eaten my mom’s. I could eat it by the pan (and I’ve come close a few times.)

I was in college when I realized that there was more to it than the food.

My sophomore year of college I was fortunate enough to study aboard. A student at Harding University, I signed up to go to Harding University in England, better known as HUE, for a semester. I absolutely loved it.

We lived in the West End of London. We were in walking distance (or a short tube ride away) to the theaters, Covent Garden, Piccadilly Square and the British Museum.

For a kid who had grown up in Booneville, Arkansas, and always wanted to live in a big city, London was a giant playground. I really was in heaven.

Until Thanksgiving.

That semester abroad was the first time I’d ever been away from home for the holidays. And I was miserable.

I remember spending the day at Cambridge University. As part of our England experience, we traveled outside of London once a week to see more of the country. So on Thanksgiving, we found ourselves eating a lunch of pizza or fish and chips in the Cambridge cafeteria. We also had orange juice, which is as disgusting as you might imagine with pizza or fish and chips. But Mum, the sweet older lady who organized all of our trips, thought that orange juice was an important part of the American Thanksgiving, so she had gone to great trouble to make sure that we had that for our meal.

Her sweet gesture was just one of the many things that nearly brought me tears that day.

I called home three times on Thanksgiving, just so I could hear my mom’s voice. For the first time that semester, I was so homesick. I hated the thought that my entire family was together (even my oldest sister had made it home that year), and I was across the ocean. Briefly, I wished that I hadn’t signed up for the semester abroad — a sentiment that would pass and not reappear again during my trip.

It was while I was away during Thanksgiving that I realized WHY it meant so much to me. It wasn’t the food or the time off from school — it was my family. It was having my parents and my three sisters, along with their families, under one roof for a very special day.

It has been many years since that Thanksgiving in England (we won’t talk about how many years!), but the lesson comes back to me whenever the holidays roll around. Thanksgiving may be hectic as my little family squeezes in two Thanksgiving dinners (one with my family and one with my husband’s family), but we are so blessed to have so many people we love living 45 miles or so from us.

Now, could someone pass the dressing?

Arkansas Women Bloggers member Yavonda Chase writes about life, love and everything else at SimplyYavonda.com. She is a wife and mother who considers her daughter to be her greatest accomplishment. She was born in Kentucky and still cheers for the Kentucky Wildcats, but has lived in Arkansas for 30 years and proudly calls Central Arkansas home.

Blog: www.simplyyavonda.com

Twitter: @YavondaChase

Instagram: @Yavs

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/simplyyavonda/

by Alicia Dowell

Most girls play house and dream about starting a family. This was never my plan. I dreamed of becoming a history teacher. My life was all mapped out, including backup plan. Or I thought I had it all set.

However, my plans went out the window one night while I was in college. The phrase love at first sight usually is for movies or romance novels but let me tell you, it is real. For me, it was like closing one window and opening a door.

See my little family started at a party. Wait! It is not what you think. I went to a party  with my sister along with most of my college friends were going to as well. Of course, I arrived late (It happens when you have night classes.) and by the time I got to the party it was in full swing. When I walked in, I looked around to see the guy my sister had told me about. He was an old friend of her boyfriend. My sister nudged me and that is when I saw him. Remember that love at first sight feeling? Yeah at that moment all my plans were out the window and the door to my future flung wide open.

It took Jeremy a couple of more weeks to realize we both were going to start a life together. Life for us was busy for the next couple of years with me graduating college and then a wedding for us. Just as we were getting used to the idea of being married our plans went right out the same window again.

Instead, we found out our party of two was going to be a group of three. Our little family grew and has continued to grow over the years. Our family is now grown to three humans, one dog, three-yard rabbits (another story for another time) and forty some odd chickens.

My idea of family sure has changed in the last ten years and I wouldn’t change our family for any plans.

Born and raised in Arkansas, Alicia Dowell loves her home state. She grew up on her family farm in Southwest Arkansas. She was taught a deep love of caring for animals, growing a garden, and the slower way of life. Alicia married her college sweetheart and welcomed her daughter a year later. She can still be found in Southwest Arkansas on their one-acre farm or on Instagram which fuels her photography habit.