Written by Jaqueline Wolven, Arkansas Women Bloggers Miss July 2013

In the last several days I have had three people, plus myself, have 7th grade moments due to social media, blogging, and the ability to “see” what other people are doing. Let me break a few down for you and then tell you why we have to stop competing and fall back into love with our own lives.
A fellow blogger had a minor melt down because she saw another social media person in her area seem to rise ahead more quickly – in days, actually – and she didn’t think she could replicate or compete with that.

Another blogger lamented on Facebook that her book wasn’t as good, shiny, or special as another bloggers and didn’t think she would be as successful as the other person.

Another friend on social media was sad because she wasn’t invited to a party she saw posted on Facebook even though she thought she was friends with all the same people.

And me, well I stupidly used the Just Unfollow tool for Twitter to see who had un-followed me. I was angry and sad that a business that I totally support and care about didn’t seem to think I was worthy of their tweets anymore.

This doesn’t count all the times I, personally, have felt that I am not as good, pretty, special as other people on any given day. Sure, I felt this way in 7th grade when I wasn’t invited to the “cool kids” party. I thought I had gotten over those feelings of comparison until social media and blogging came on the scene. Now it can be worse because we see all the shiny happy things that people post and we think we might be missing out or we see that other people are having success and we aren’t.

In complete honesty, I was totally jealous and behaved badly towards lovely Lela Davidson because I was so completely jealous of what I thought she had. Yes, I am embarrassed beyond words about this, but it happens. Cringing just even thinking about it.
So, how do we get out of this comparison? Well, I have two things I do when I feel that feeling coming up.

1. I, out loud, and to the person if I can, say that I am happy for their success. I may not REALLY at that moment feel it, but I say it. Saying it makes it feel more real. If I can’t say it to them I just say it out loud wherever I am. Really. (Lela, I really and truly do wish you the ultimate success!)
2. Then, I take a moment to have gratitude for the things I do have, knowing that I don’t have less because someone supposedly has more. I have what I am supposed to have at that moment and if I want something different I need to work towards that, not feel bad that someone has it.
   We need to start celebrating our own lives because comparison is the thief of joy. Let’s commit to falling in love with our here and now and working on our future! We can do this!

***Note: I will be talking through more steps to doing this at the Arkansas Women Bloggers Unplugged conference. I hope you will join me.
Thank you so much for allowing me to be Ms. July 2013 here at Arkansas Women Bloggers. It has been wonderful to share a little of my world with you and I hope we continue to connect along the way.