by MamaBuzz Mel Lockcuff

When did this overwhelming fear of germs begin? And why am I choosing now to speak out about it? These are the questions I ask as I write this, and I think the reason that I want to write about it now is because this fear no longer cripples me. My hope is that I can help give encouragement to someone else who may be battling the same fear. While I still battle, though to a much lesser extent most days, it’s something that has taken a LOT of work to overcome. It’s taken an “immersion therapy” of sorts and a determination to live my life to the fullest, no matter the risks.

It all began when I was in nursing school. I went through a tortuous 1-year nursing program with extremely strict rules and regulations. If we missed one too many days, we risked getting kicked out of school, for real; I actually had a friend get kicked out because she’d developed cat scratch fever and missed too many days. (Yes, that’s a real disease.) The things I saw and handled while in clinicals made me want to strip down and get in the shower right away when I got home. Nursing homes were the devil’s lair for the inner germaphobe that was quickly and silently taking over my mind, body, and spirit.

When I finally graduated, I breathed a sigh of relief but went right to work in a clinic that specialized in cardiology/cardiovascular surgery. My fears continued to grow, despite my best efforts to curb them, including attending a couple of therapy sessions. Others noticed too, friends I worked with, family members, and especially my husband and son (we just had our oldest at the time). This fear was all too quickly crippling my mind, body, and spirit; and my family was paying the price for it. While I did well at my job and loved working as a nurse, I couldn’t help but constantly fear sickness and germs of any kind. I would continuously wash my hands, wipe everything down, etc. I can’t even tell you how many things I missed out on during this time, precious things missed out on…. and all because of this rotting fear. Kinda ironic that I was a nurse battling a fear of germs and sickness, huh?

While expecting our youngest, I decided to quit my job as a nurse and be home with our kids more. I really tend to give my youngest most of the credit for bringing my fears to a screeching halt. I also worked for a short time as a supervisor in a school. Kids are ever so germy, and my youngest is definitely a germy little sweetheart. In fact, his nickname happens to be Pigpen. He just has a knack for being filthy, no matter what he does. He can’t help it, and we love him for it. I think God gave him to us because He knew we needed him. He knew I needed him; he’s truly a gift.

Realizing what this crippling fear was doing not only to me but also to my family was my turning point; our oldest was at such a tender age through all of this, that he began to pick up many of my germaphobic habits and rituals. Also realizing that I can’t control everything…. well, that was a huge realization in and of itself. I’m not saying the battle is the same for everyone, so please don’t misunderstand. But for me, the battle took courage, determination, and sometimes, a willingness to face what must be faced. Whether it’s something as simple as cutting up raw chicken (that might contain bacteria), walking into a doctor’s office, visiting my grandmother in the nursing home before she passed away, or even just going out to the movies, it’s taken babysteps. Daily babysteps, prayer, and determination, not to mention a bit of perseverance sprinkled in for good measure.

So, while I do still practice good hand washing, I’m also not afraid to get my hands dirty. I’m not afraid to hold my babies when they’re sick…. not afraid to get in the kitchen and tackle what needs to be done…. not letting this fear stop me from traveling, from visiting, from living life. Yes, the fears still make an occasional appearance, but they come around less often these days. And when they do come around, I’m ready to fight.

Are you battling a similar fear? You too can fight and overcome. I know it can be a lonely battle, but it doesn’t have to be. Nothing is impossible.

Mel Lockcuff is a wife, homeschool mom to two rambunctious boys, a lifestyle blogger, social media strategist, and founder of MamaBuzz Media. You’ll find recipes, crafts, DIY projects, travel adventures, awareness, and more on MamaBuzz. You can follow Mel on Twitter @MamaBuzz or contact her at info@mamabzz.com.