Category: 2016

The Intangible Bounty of Loving Relationships

by Dr. Margaret Rutherford, Miss June 2016

In mid-May, my son graduated from Vanderbilt in Nashville. My heart swelled with pride.

Two days later, my heart was still my focus. But I thought I was either about to have a heart attack, or a stroke.

When I got to the hospital, I had chest pain, shortness of breath, dizziness, nausea, and a tight pressure I had never felt — or if I’m truthful, I’d felt at times, but denied its significance.

After a day and a half of heavy meds to bring down sky-high blood pressure, plus going through every heart procedure you could have, I learned that I had an unusual heart condition called “Prinzmetal’s Angina”, which can be treated through medication. The symptoms mimic those of having a heart attack.

Suffice it to say I was glad to hear that news.

That’s what I learned medically. Yet it’s what I was reminded of emotionally that is most meaningful.

My family and friends are all the bounty one woman could ever need. To say they “rose to the occasion” is not enough.

My son slept on the floor beside me, putting off the camping trip he had been planning for months with friends. My husband took care of everything that had to be… well, taken care of. Both, although upset, stayed close to me. My secretary took a whole day of her weekend to call umpteen hundred patients (not really, but it was a lot) to try to let them know the doctor would not be in. Brothers found out info. Sisters were constant in their support. Nephews (one, helpfully a physician) and nieces sent texts and funny pics of kids to make me laugh. Friends, both old and new, messaged and did what they could to help — even if it was to chide me a bit.

“Now maybe you’ll slow down.

All sent their own kind of prayers.

When I got a little teary, waiting my turn for a heart cath, I channeled my dad, who’s deceased, but had major cardio issues himself.

What would he tell me?

“Focus on all that you have, and not on what you can’t control.” 

He also would have reminded me to tell my son I wasn’t afraid. And that I did.

But let’s face it. Many people don’t have the words of a wonderful dad as a guide, or a family that’s standing by to come at a moment’s notice, if the news isn’t good.

Perhaps you’re one of those people.

You can still experience “family.” I have a plaque in my office that states, “Friends are your family of choice.” You can create relationships that will be there for you — people who will love you the way you should have been loved. If you were abused or neglected, talking to someone about it can help.  Working through shame is vital (children tend to blame themselves for abuse…). Then you can grieve for the time you didn’t receive that safety — when you were a child and could only survive parents who couldn’t or didn’t protect.

These same parents or other family members may still be in your life, and remain selfish, abusive, or hurtful. You can alter your relationship with them. It can be difficult, but it can be done.

You’re not helpless anymore.

Building your own family takes work, but seems better than staying emotionally paralyzed, angry, or bitter. You may have to work through those feelings as well, as they’re as much a part of grieving as sadness.

You can build a network of caring people, who will be there for you when you need them.

Please think about it.

Whether or not that family has been yours since the get-go, or it’s been carefully created by you, it doesn’t have to matter. When push comes to shove — their love is really all that counts.

Intangible bounty – there waiting for you, when you need it.

Miss June 2016 – Dr. Margaret Rutherford

by Dr. Margaret Rutherford, Miss June 2016

I haven’t quite known what word to choose to describe the feeling of being June’s Blogger of the Month for Arkansas.

When I was growing up, I kept a scrapbook. In it every year, there were cutouts from the newspaper of the winners of the Miss Arkansas pageant. I wondered if I would, one day, stride gracefully down that platform, wearing a tiara and carrying a bouquet of red roses (although I never participated in a pageant in my entire life…).

margaret_headshotSo here I am, many years later, representing Arkansas, for one month, in the blogging world. I am thrilled, delighted, honored. I’m tickled pink there’s no tiara for me to balance on my head, and certainly grateful there was no bathing suit competition that I had to sweat my way through. So thanks to the powers that be for asking me. I will serve out my term as well as I can, and respectfully hand off the scepter to the next worthy blogger.

I’m a clinical psychologist, but began blogging in December of 2012, mostly as an empty nester. My blog was named “NestAche” (sounds like headache), and I wrote about how I was getting through my only son being a freshman in college. It felt very strange, and I wasn’t at all sure about it (the empty nest and the writing, actually.) Therapists shouldn’t talk about themselves openly with patients, and it felt very odd to be sharing more of my private life on the Internet. Frankly, I struggled a bit with whether or not it was ethical.

But I realized what century I was living in, and since I lived in a smaller community, much was known about me anyway. It was just the thought of me, talking about me. So I breathed deeply, and wrote. I had two criteria, and still do. I would continue if: I got feedback that my words were helping people, and if I were having fun. If either of the two of those things stopped happening, I would stop writing.

After a while, I got itchy. I started branching out, writing about the work I did with couples, writing about panic attacks and eating disorders. I wanted to write what I was doing in my real work. Then, I went to BlogHer for the first time, and realized I had to become my own “brand.” If my website was going to grow, I had to step out front.

I got lots of help from Alli Worthington, who spoke here at AWB a couple of years ago. And in April of 2014, I launched my second website, Dr. Margaret Rutherford: Helping You Believe In Yourself.  I can remember when my first post went “viral.” I didn’t know what was happening. I thought my laptop was broken. It was also my initial post on a topic I have now grown very passionate about, what I call perfectly hidden depression. I’m writing a book on it, and have a literary agent whose guiding me through that process, which is fascinating and infuriating.

During this time, I’ve been seeing 7 to 8 patients every day, usually five days a week! So I’ve been a busy woman, just like all of you, I’m sure.

I still get feedback that my words are helpful. And I’m still having fun. Not all of the time, to be truthful. I get down, and tired. But most of the time, I’m smiling.

Like now.

If there is one thing I have learned, it is that the relationships you make through blogging will help your blog, and you, thrive. Count of them. Reach out to them. They will reach back when they need you as well.

If I can answer any questions any of you might have reading this, I would be more than happy to do so. You can privately email me: askdrmargaret@drmargaretrutherford.com.

Thanks to all of you for reading. And my gratitude to Arkansas Women Bloggers for support, encouragement, and friendship.

Social Media Links:
https://facebook.com/drmargaretrutherford
https://twitter.com/doctor_margaret
https://pinterest.com/doctormargaret
https://instagram.com/drmargaretrutherford
https://google.com/+drmargaretrutherford

Miss May 2016 – Carmella

Hi. My name is Carmella. I’m excited to represent my favorite group of women bloggers this month. Thank you to Julie at EGGS & HERBS for extending me the opportunity and for keeping me and all the other gals corralled.

imageI started blogging in 2008. I was in a transition phase. I had recently gone from busy, corporate mom to instant stay-at-home mom to better meet my son’s needs. I enjoyed being able to have that time with my sweet boy and I will forever cherish that time with him. However, I would be fibbing if I didn’t admit that I missed having a keyboard at my fingertips, being able to creatively solve problems and connecting with other adults.

As the boy napped each afternoon I jumped online to search for fun projects we could do together, new recipes and whatever else I was obsessing over that day (diy projects, bug bites, fashion trends, etc.). These searches led me to blogs – a new concept for me. I bookmarked a few favorites. Bookmarking turned to lurking. Lurking turned to engaging and before I knew it I had connected with several new friends across the country. This filled my need to exercise my brain and to connect.

But something was still missing.

Due to the loss of income from leaving my career, I needed a way to supplement our income. I had previously joined a home décor and entertainment company as a consultant to have one girls-night-out a month and score a few free products for my home. I enjoyed leading the parties, connecting with other women and sharing easy ideas for home décor and entertaining. Their reactions of awe and delight as I shared what I found to be simple ideas became addictive. Hosting more parties was not a practical option. I needed to find a way to share my creativity and reap the reward of inspiring others.

Enter Southern Fried Dreams.

In fall 2008 I decided to get outside my comfort zone and launch a blog initially titled Southern Fried Dreams which was later changed to Southern Fried Gal. I’ve been reaping the rewards since day one. In the early days it provided an outlet to meet my disparate needs as my identity was morphing. It provided a platform to creatively grow my at home business from in person and local to online and nationwide which led to a little more income and a lot more self-confidence. It provided a hands-on education that extended my credibility when I decided to re-enter the workforce years later. Even more importantly, it connected me to really cool people, like the women in this group, that I now call friends.

My journey has changed.

In December 2014 I decided to say goodbye to Southern Fried Gal. I didn’t have the same amount of time to contribute as I did in the past. My journey had changed and I no longer identified as strongly with that brand. It was a hard decision to say goodbye.

Still needing a place to connect, I launched Uncommonly Connected, a little knockabout place to bring together people and ideas. It serves some of the same needs as before and a few new ones. I have a vision to grow this little corner of the digital world when the time is right. For now it’s a place for me to slow down, a place to reflect and share, and most importantly a place to continually connect.

Speaking of connecting, besides my blog here are a few other places I like to hang out, Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook and sometimes Twitter. If we haven’t already, let’s connect!

The Best of Karen

I entered a new season this past year when my husband, Dan, retired. So, I decided to record a few of those moments in my blog. I call it “Life in the Gray Zone.”

I hope you’ll join me as I share some of our stories from the “Gray Zone.”

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Taking Care of Yourself: Life in the Gray Zone

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A Wake-up Call: Grace in the Gray Zones of Life

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Finding Grace on Narrows Road: An Energy Crisis in the Gray Zone

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It’s Always Something! 4 Tips about Rashes and Relationships from the Gray Zone

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Every Day is Saturday! Lessons from the Gray Zone

 

A Day in the Life of Karen

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My life changed dramatically this past year—my husband, Dan, retired. And retirement life did not turn out quite like I expected. In fact, I don’t know what I thought it would look like. But I’m adjusting.

“How’s retirement?” One of Dan’s friends asked.

If you know Dan, you won’t be surprised at his quick humor and pithy comebacks. So, don’t say I didn’t warn you. But if you dare to ask him that question, he’ll just smile and repeat his canned response, “Every day is Saturday.”

The first time I heard Dan reply to questions about retirement, I thought, Maybe for YOU every day is Saturday. But I haven’t retired yet!

Bottom line—we’ve entered into a new season of life at our house.

EVERY DAY IS SATURDAY!

If you happen to drop by our house, you’ll also see some subtle changes in the décor—like the two new recliners in front of our big-screen TV. But we might not even be at home. We might be walking some farmer’s field, looking for arrowheads. Or we may be enjoying a day trip, driving through the Ouachita Mountains.

Then again, you might find me hiding out in my office, trying to finish an article or book by the deadline. 

“What’s the big deal?” you ask. “Why do you need to ‘hide out’ in your office to work? I thought you said, ‘Every day is Saturday.’”

Do you know how hard it is to focus on a writing project when “every day is Saturday”?

Yet the first eight weeks of Dan’s retirement, that is exactly what I needed to do. Why? I had a deadline to meet to turn in my first book manuscript.

Yes, I am a late bloomer. Just when my ‘baby boomer” decides to wind up his career, I’m stepping into a new role as a book author. And my first book, Words That Change Everything, releases in June 2016. IMG_0545

“What a great time write! a writing friend suggested. “Maybe you can finish some of those other projects you stated earlier.”

Right now, I’m also working on another book now about grandparenting with another writing friend and blogger, Mary Larmoyeux. So, I am writing a few of the stories that matter most to me. And I do hope to complete some of the other projects that I haven’t finished. But I’m also preparing to launch my first book. And it can be a challenge at times to fit everything I need to do into my daily schedule.

“Why?” you ask.

Remember—EVERY DAY IS SATURDAY!

Imagine Your Wildest Dreams

by Karen Jordan, Miss April 2016

Enlight1“Imagination? It is the one thing beside honesty that a good writer must have. The more he learns from experience the more he can imagine” (Earnest Hemingway). 

Imagine your fondest dreams coming true. What do you see? 

Years ago, a dream was birthed in my heart. Then, I buried it.

That’s impossible, I thought. How could I ever consider publishing a book? I’ve never even written for publication!

Fast forward a couple of decades, and a renewed vision of my dream unfolded. I had returned to college to take a “few” writing classes one semester—which turned into five years and two degrees. One of my favorite writing instructors at the University of Arkansas at Little Rock (UALR), Dr. Sally Crisp, shared the names of several writers who had published after the age of 50

Author Frank McCourt’s story caught my attention since we were reading one of his books, and I was in my 40s at the time. McCourt, an Irish-American teacher, who grew up in poverty, did not become a published author until the age of 66. Angela’s Ashes, his autobiographical book, became a best seller and won the Pulitzer Prize. 

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I never imagined that my dream would be fulfilled this year as I join the ranks of the 60-plus first time authors. My first book, Words That Change Everything: Speaking Truth to Your Soul, will be released this coming June. 

Discouraged? Thinking your dreams will never be fulfilled?

Take heart! If God has birthed this hope in your heart, His Word offers you this promise:

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. (Eph. 3:19 The Message)

How do you hold on to your dreams?

Miss April 2016 – Karen Jordan

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I started dabbling with blogging in 2008 under duress. At my first Christian writers’ conference a few years earlier, everyone urged me to begin building an online platform. They claimed if I wanted publishers to consider my nonfiction book proposals, I’d better start “building a platform.” I panicked at first. Then, I dove head first, drowning in the technology challenges.

Blogging helped me establish my online presence, as advised. In fact, my first book, Words That Change Everything: Speaking Truth to Your Soul launches in June 2016.

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As a writer, a writing instructor, and blogger, I enjoy encouraging others to tell their faith and family stories—because when we tell the stories that matter most, lives change and heart heal. I recognize the need for people to tell their stories. Passing along their legacy stories helps them make sense of some of the crucial issues that they face in life. I know the powerful impact of story.

As a mother and grandmother, I also know the importance of sharing my faith stories with my children and grandchildren. I believe my stories will be my spiritual legacy to the next generation. I’m working with another writers on a book for grandparents, encouraging them to consider the legacy they will leave to the next generation—especially their faith and family stories.

My husband, Dan, and I have been married 40-plus years. Native Texans, we moved to Central Arkansas from Texas with our two children, Adam and Tara, several decades ago. Then, we moved to Hot Springs Village a few years ago, preparing for my husband’s recent retirement. Our children and their families (seven grandchildren) live in Texas and Arkansas.

My social networks. Honestly, it’s still a struggle to schedule time to blog on my personal site (www.karenjordan.net), since I contribute to several other blogs, including the WordServe Water Cooler (www.wordservewater.com) and FaithHappenings.com. But I hope you will check out my blog. And be sure to “friend” me on Facebook and follow me on Twitter @KarenJordan. You can also find me on LinkedIn, Instagram, and Pinterest.

A Few of My Favorite Posts

by Ramona Collins, Miss March 2016

March is always an interesting month. It comes “in like a lion” and goes “out like a lamb.” This familiar saying refers to March weather. However, I believe it applies to life as well. I’ve enjoyed my time as the featured blogger this month. I will close my session with a few of my favorite entires from my Addicted to Fries blog

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Academy Awards 2016: 5 Lessons Every Business Should Learn

Who can forget the Academy Awards? This year’s show was controversial long before the telecast aired. Comedian Chris Rock accepted the challenge of hosting the film industry event amid the backlash. While watching the show, I realized five very big lessons were playing out in front of the world. This post examines the broadcast and the lessons showcased. 

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3 Things Steve Harvey Taught Us at the Miss Universe Pageant + Worksheet

Remember the unthinkable mistake Steve Harvey made while hosting the Miss Universe Pageant? Can you imagine making an untimely mistake on live television for the world to witness? I looked the lessons everyone could learn from the mistake and how Mr. Harvey handled it. Included is  a worksheet to help handle future mistakes. 

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Blog Elevated: The 10 Best Things I Learned in Dallas + Tip Sheet

I attended the Blog Elevated Conference in Dallas last October. I enjoyed the event and learned a lot. The conference covered a variety of topics including SEO, social media strategy and email newsletters. In this post, I share my favorite takeaways and a downloadable tip sheet for blogging success.

As we close the month of March, I encourage you to get up, get out, do something different…and write about it. You never know where your adventure may lead you or the lessons you could learn. 

~RAMONA

Day in the Life of Ramona

by Ramona Collins, Miss March 2016

My days vary a lot. As a social media manager, I am often researching trends, writing content and touching base with those inside and outside the company for project issues. I work in the retail industry with a primary focus on social media and digital marketing.

Although there are various responsibilities in my professional life, a few things remain the same: 

• Arrive at work by 8:30 AM (most days)

• I have breakfast in the company cafe with a coworker before 9:30 AM

• Check the latest industry happenings and trends by reading industry daily newsletters from Smartbrief, MediaPost and others.

• I also take note of what’s happening in pop culture. Who’s tweeting? What are they tweeting about? What’s trending? 

Other duties that I’m responsible for throughout any given day range from content writing, creating editorial calendars, and publishing content on our social media channels. I also research and brainstorm ways to promote our content and products in the fast-moving social media space. It’s not as boring as it sounds. My recent days have included: 

• A visit to the Facebook Headquarters in Menlo Park, CA

• Sitting on a panel at a Northwest Arkansas PRSA event

• Presenting to UofA journalism students on social media and PR.

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After work, my hours are dedicated to personal projects and volunteer assignments. In the evenings and late nights I find time to write for my blog, Addicted to Fries; watch webinars or read professional development materials; manage the website and complete graphic design projects for my sorority. I love to read, but don’t get to do as much reading as I would like. I have subscriptions to several blogging and writing publications and several books are my must-read list. I also find time to support my niece and nephew. They are active in sports. I attend games whenever I can. 

The best relaxation for me is watching my favorite TV shows and series. I spend time each night catching up on episodes I missed over the weekend or watching first-run airings of reality shows, scripted series on cable and broadcast networks. My must-watch list includes Married at First Sight, Real Housewives of {All of Them}, Moonshiners and Showtime’s Shameless. New additions that are almost on the must-watch list include Quantico on ABC and American Crime Story: The People vs. O.J. Simpson on FX.

In a perfect world, my days would consist of hot chocolate, sunny skies and lots of writing and reading by a beach. The Bahama Islands are calling my name. It’s time to book a trip.

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Take a Flight {Adventure}

By Ramona Collins, Miss March 2016

The theme for March is adventure. There are many different interpretations of the this theme. I chose to provide details and insights on a recent trip to the west coast. I believe adventures are opportunities to step outside your comfort zone and enjoy life…while learning a few things.

Take a Flight

As I entered the airport, the clock struck noon. The terminal was busy with the buzz of hurried travelers. This was my first flight in 5 months and my first trip to San Bruno (CA). I looked forward to the sunny days and warmer weather. It was freezing here in NW Arkansas. After grabbing a chocolate nut bar and a Fuji water, I boarded the plane and settled in for the long trip.

We landed in Dallas after a short flight from XNA. Part one of the trip was over. As I sat quietly in the terminal gate area, I watched and watched more. There are so many things to notice and observe – people, things, planes and situations.

Levels

When going on an adventure there a levels of emotions – anticipation, excitement, anxiousness, relaxation, relief and more. Honestly, adventures can be full of moments of high exuberance as well as minutes of despair and sadness. In the end, your adventure is either a lesson or blessing. After a layover in Dallas, I was ready for the longest leg of flight.

 Tip: Sitting in a window seat offers a unique view of the world.

While flying over the country, I saw the towns below appear and disappear in the distance. I recognized the mountain ranges and what I’m claiming to be the Grand Canyon. However, the most relaxing view was of the horizon. Oftentimes, we stop and experience the vastness of the sky above with the sun, the moon and the clouds. On this adventure, I gazed out the window and looked at the clouds below.

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During the flight, the plane maneuvered over a storm and cloudy skies. AT that moment I realized that adventures are not only fun, but we can also learn a lot. For example: We go about life each day “smooth sailing” through activities similar to the way planes zoom across the sky. We take turns when necessary. We ascend and descend to get around the turbulence. And, we even face stormy weather (read rough times). Just as the plane flew over the storms, in life sometimes the best path through a “storm” is to fly above it. 

What do I mean? 

When going through tough times, it’s easy to get caught up in the moment and only see the negative situation. The pain takes over and you feel defeated. When you fly above the storms you choose to: 

 

  1. Not let the storm of life bring you down. Keep pressing toward your prize. Because in the end you’re gonna win. Focus your energy on positivity and making it to your destination (a solution, a resolution or a conclusion). 
  1. Keep going. Above the storm is a horizon with sunny days. Did you know the sun is always shining. It’s always brightening the world and the universe. You may not see it everyday, but it’s there. When the storms in life arise, realize that there’s a bright side somewhere. 
  1. As with any weather system, the storms will pass. Trouble and heartache don’t last always. Your current situation doesn’t have to be you destination. Stay focused on your goal and continue to make the right decisions. Be patient, your rainbow is on the way. 

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  1. Be prepared. There WILL be storms.Your storms can arrive in different forms: The job you wanted will be given to someone else with less experience. The person you love doesn’t treat you right. The sickness you thought was gone returns with a vengeance. The parents you love will need you more than ever. The people you thought were true friends will turn their backs on you when you need them most. Be ready for the cloudy days in life so you can stay ready for the stormy days ahead. 

In the end, my trip to San Bruno was better than expected! I also spent time in Menlo Park and Palo Alto. It’s really beautiful there. California is growing on me. It was great to experience new things and try new foods. The Crab Nachos at New England Lobster Market in Burlingame were ah-mazing. They also make a great Blueberry Lemonade! It was great to get away and find perspective on living a better life. When the opportunity arises, choose your adventure. You might be surprised with what you learn. 

CTA: Think of your recent adventures. What did you learn? How did your life change? Share your story in the comments section below.