“She get’s so lonely, why can’t even one person from her Church visit?” Posed to me this morning, from someone caring for her Mother who knew my history.

Caregiving is the most rewarding job in the world, it is also the most difficult. A job most know nothing about, but stay ready with suggestions and advice about what to do. Hear me when I say, “They.Know.Nothing.”

As my beloved Mother’s primary Caregiver in her last years, it was my greatest privilege.  She taught me so much. I learned about myself; more about her, my siblings; extended family; Church family; and Friends.

We began having caregivers before we actually needed them because Mother was lonely. Knowing it was impossible to stay in the room chatting with her all day, every day, I made the decision to bring someone in to keep her company.

Then, in last two years of her life, Mother didn’t want to be without a member of family during the night, specifically one of her three daughters. It was left up to me, leaving me house-bound too. God SO blessed those nightly conversations. We would talk, sometimes into the wee hours of the morning. Those times are among my most cherished memories and with me forever.

Beyond friends who’d traveled the same road, few understood. As we enter the Holidays, my suggestions to make a difference in the life of another.  

1. CALL before any visit. Even to change pajamas, or bed jackets, it takes a moment. 
2. VISIT when you say you will or call to cancel. Plans can change. Let the Caregiver know if a visit is no longer possible.   Well-meaning friends once told Mother they were coming ‘Friday’. Friday morning we got up, dressed then waited all day for someone who never showed or called. Yes, it broke my heart for her. 

   It’s not tolerated in business, why is it acceptable for us to do this to Friends or Family?

3. FOOD. Learn any health restrictions. Honor the information. There were times we were practically force-fed food as the ‘cook’ sat, watched, saying “It won’t hurt just this one time. Isn’t it delicious?” 
4. CLEAN UP after yourself.   
5. TALK & SEE.  Look in their eyes, tell them what you’ve been doing, ask about their children and grandchildren. Pray with them. Ask who they would like you to pray for, for them? Most are starving for company and communication with the outside world. Church is usually what is missed the most. 
6. MAIL. Even a postcard is appreciated. 
7. WRITE. Offer to write letters or cards, be prepared to drop in the mail upon leaving. 
8. NEWS. A new baby? Recent wedding? Photos are loved and a connection to celebrations now missed. Mother sent baby gifts and wedding gifts for every church shower. She read every morsel of the Church bulletin, memorizing names and faces in the directory. Why? To see in her minds-eye who needed prayers as she read her bulletin. That is how important Church was to her life. 
9. ASK. Is there anything I can do for you today, to make your life easier?  
   

People who cared for my Mother when it was difficult on everyone (including her) will always have my love, respect and loyalty. 

We should put our elderly on pedestals, love and cherish them. It is the most rewarding work we can accomplish.  ONE thing every day, even a phone call can make the difference in their life and in yours.  

If you or your church is interested in developing a Caregiver Program and have questions, email me: b@brendamcclain.com.

Brenda McClain is Gallery Director of Art on the Green.  She Blogs about the Magic being made daily at artonthegreen.net and experiences as Entertainment Publicist at BrendaMcClain.com.