by Jessica Bauer, Miss July 2016

We know our kids’ favorite colors, right?

Nathan has always been partial to red. Owen’s answer is along the lines of, “orange and green… and yellow and purple and blue.” He takes after his mother. Nora won’t miss a beat to tell you pink, and you’ll see it reflected from her bows to her boots.

We know what makes our kids tick. We can anticipate movie requests for the long drive to Grammy’s and the excuses they’ll use to stretch bedtime. When I read that this month’s blog theme was discover, my kids didn’t immediately come to mind. I grew these small people, what’s left to know?

Answer: so much.

Once a year, on their birthdays, I play a game of 20 questions with my kids to share a little insight with my readers. We cover the basics for a snapshot of who they are. It’s fun to compare and contrast, but as their answers shift, so do they. My kids are growing up and as children do, they’re growing out. Before I send them into the unknown, I need to see them.

I love chatting about what’s going on at school or day care, but sometimes I’m too busy talking or thinking or staying one step ahead to truly look at them. As a mom, I want to challenge myself to discover who my children are beyond one-word answers.

I have to stop long enough to hold their faces in my hands and dedicate my attention. I want to talk to them about the hard stuff and give validation to the answers they find when seeking. Discovering facets of the people we brought into this world is a highlight of parenting, but it’s easy to stop noticing.

Kids change every day. Every single day a new personality trait is hatched in my home. Some for better, some for worse. It seems Nora is approaching age three as a master negotiator. Future lawyer? Owen will begin kindergarten this fall and he’s increasingly curious about what the looming hallways {and cafeteria ladies} will bring. Nathan is edging closer to double digits and packed full of wisdom on some topics grown men and women can’t get right. I have to see them. I have to discover who they are today and notice who they are becoming.

On the same note, I often fail to see myself. As much as I focus on getting through the rush of everyday life, self-reflection gets shoved to the back burner; but when I allow myself a few minutes of silence or writing, new thoughts jump forward. I’m 32 years old and still finding myself. I don’t want to lose who I am, but I don’t want to stifle who I could become.

My advice to both you and me: slow down, open your eyes, and look. Look in the mirror, then turn around and look at your kids. Look closely and discover everything you can. You might be surprised.