Discover ADHD with Me

by Carmella Fryer

The theme for posts this month is discover. I have written a few different draft posts centered on other topics but keep coming back to this – me and ADHD. It’s scary to put this out there for all to see but each time I talk openly about my ADHD story it seems to help others discover new truths about this disorder as it relates to themselves, family members and/or friends. I’m putting my brave face on and trusting that sharing something so personal will have more positive outcomes than negative.

Here are a few things I’ve discovered since being diagnosed:

Discovery #1: Perception is NOT Reality

It is super sad to me that such a stigma still exists around this disorder. I recall several years ago gathering with a group of girlfriends. We all had young children. When one of the moms walked out of the room another mom whispered, “Did you hear the news? Her daughter was diagnosed with ADHD this week. Bless her heart.” Everyone joined in feeling sorry for this poor woman and her less-than-perfect child.

I was appalled – but not for the exact reason you might think. Of course, I cringed about the gossipy manner in which this information was shared. I was upset that these women changed their perception of this smart, happy and creative child instantly based on four little letters. But I was mostly appalled because at that time I wasn’t sure I believed this disorder really existed. I blew it off as a way for parents and teachers to sedate young, active boys into submission. I had not heard of many girls having the disorder (more on this later). I couldn’t understand what the big deal was.

As it turns out we all were perpetuating the stigma around this often misunderstood diagnosis. I feel I was lucky enough to be able to overcome the challenges of ADHD as a child and for many adult years. I believe that gives me a unique voice to help break down the perceptions that are still prevalent.

People with ADHD process information differently. We are not lazy. We can’t just try harder to focus. We can’t force our brains to perform as society expects them to. We can, however, find our strengths and focus there instead of on our challenges. We can solve problems like nobody’s business because we perceive and process the world differently. We are creative. We are fun. We don’t want pity. We want love, friendship, understanding, and acceptance.

Challenge: Take a few minutes to learn more about ADHD and reframe your perceptions of those living with it. My go-to resource is ADDitude.

Discovery # 2: It’s Not All About the Boys

As I mentioned in the first discovery, I originally believed ADHD only affected young boys with too much energy and too little discipline. Oh, how wrong I was! What I have learned since getting my diagnosis is that ADHD affects boys and girls differently.

When I was referred to a specialist to be evaluated for ADHD I thought it was kind of silly. How could a straight A, goody-goody-rule-following girl turned successful career woman have ADHD? I was sure I was wasting both the doctor’s and my time.

I did a little digging on the topic prior to the appointment and started thinking maybe there was something to this. Deep down inside I hoped it was true. I had always known I was a little different from the crowd. Could this help me understand why? When my doctor announced that I did have ADHD, I broke out into tears – not sad tears, tears of joy. I started reliving my past through a new lens. Things were finally beginning to make sense.

More research helped me understand how my symptoms have been apparent since I was a child had I know they present differently in girls than boys. I want to raise awareness to this fact most of all. So many of our girls go under the radar and are diagnosed as adults or never at all. I had a lot of low-lows before being diagnosed.

Hyperactivity in girls can be expressed as highly chatty. Anyone who knows me will get a big chuckle out of that. Chatty I am. I was constantly in trouble in class for incessant talking. I’m still a chatty-Kathy. I interrupt when excited. My stories are filled with details and told in boisterous ways. Some find this endearing. Some not so much. I’m better at reading body language now and more self-aware.

ADHD girls may be viewed as spacey, forgetful and disorganized. As I mentioned I was a straight A student at the top of my class. I excelled at math and science. I was viewed as one of the smart kids and a girl who had it all together – at least most of the time. I had a hard time believing any of this because of my internal struggle. As a natural blonde, many laughs have been made at my expense. My room was a disaster area. I was always losing things that I used several times a day (keys, shoes, purse, etc.). It was (and still is) frustrating.

Girls are also more likely to overcompensate to cover up the challenges they face in order to conform to what is expected of them. They become people-pleasers at their own expense. They commit to unreasonable expectations because they struggle with telling others no. They kill themselves trying to keep up the grand illusion. They can’t let anyone know they are less than perfect. This was and continues to be one of my biggest struggles.

Another difference I have discovered in myself and other gals is a tendency to internalize the angst with negative self-talk. We know we are different but we are not sure why. We call ourselves names and take responsibility for everything that goes wrong around us. We are sensitive to criticism because we are our own worst critics. We are mean to ourselves. This is the saddest part of going undiagnosed from my perspective. It’s been equally challenging and rewarding to practice inner grace – something I could not do until I became aware.

Although I was able to overcome my symptoms for many years, they eventually caught up with me. My self-esteem was slowly being chipped away almost to the point of no return. This was a high price to pay and one I hope I can help other girls and women avoid by recognizing the symptoms and getting diagnosed as early as possible.

Challenge: Do you relate to any of these symptoms or do they remind you of another female in your life? If so, I encourage being evaluated to know one way or another. Here’s a quick self-test to get started down the path.

Discovery #3: ADHD Meds are Not a Racket

I really didn’t want to go down the medication path when I first started learning about ADHD. When I finally conceded to the doctor that we would give the meds a go I told him it better be a difference of night and day. Well let me tell you – it was. I noticed a big difference the very first day.

Initially, I only told a very few close friends and family members about my diagnosis and meds. I started taking them the week after Christmas while I was on holiday. About a week into the new year my boss asked me what I was doing differently. She said she noticed I was more focused, calmer and more effective. Um, wow.

The best way I can describe how the meds help is that they give me a few extra nanoseconds in my brain to organize my thoughts and convey them in a manner that my audience will understand. Before the meds, I would get excited about an idea and would blurt them out expecting everyone to see the brilliance. Instead, I was met with either blank stares or someone telling me to slow down on the coffee.

Everyone is different when it comes to ADHD management. For me, the meds have been a godsend. They are well worth the high price tag each and every month. Some people don’t like being on the meds and I respect that. Some lucky people don’t need the medications because they have crafted their lives in a manner that minimizes the impact of ADHD (yes, I’m jealous and I feel another post coming on this topic).

Challenge: Don’t judge or make jokes about ADHD meds.

Wow. Once I decided to go with me and ADHD as my topic the words started flowing. I am going to count that as confirmation. I originally planned to share more than three discoveries but given the length of each so far that would make for a very long post. So what do you think? Did you discover new insights? Do you have anything to add or debate? I’d love to hear from you on this topic in a kind and respectful manner, please.

July 6, 2016

Discover Our Local Rivers {Wordless Wednesday}

By Ashley Ederington of The Ederington Family and Maniac Mom

Ashley Ederington lives on a 125-acre hobby farm with her husband and two sons in Bismarck. When Ashley isn’t teaching high school or running, her family loves to explore the beautiful outdoors in Arkansas by hiking, hunting and fishing. Ashley took a two year sabbatical from blogging to focus on graduate school, but she recently graduated and hopes to get back into the swing of sharing. She blogs about her family and farm at The Ederington Family and her running at Maniac Mom. You can also find Ashley on Twitter and Instagram.

July 3, 2016

Sunday Link-Up {July 3, 2016}

July 2, 2016

Be a Bounty Hunter

By Renee Birchfield

When I hear the word bounty I, of course, think of paper towels and cleaning up my many kitchen messes. But the more I thought about what I wanted to share with you here I thought of Boba Fet, the bounty hunter in Star Wars. He is my husband’s favorite and I have learned a lot about him in the time we’ve been together. As a bounty hunter, he finds people and collects a good paycheck when he hands them over to whoever is looking for them.

I started thinking about what it would be like to be a bounty hunter. Let’s face it I am not the person to go hunting down someone who is running and owes somebody money for who knows what things. I realized though we can all be bounty hunters in our own life.

Bounty is defined as abundance or plenty, also something that is given or occurring in generous amounts. We can all be looking for what we have in abundance in our life.

This could mean physical things we have such as a huge collection of shoes, or kitchen items. Which if you have a bounty of items it may be a good idea to consider donating them and sharing that bounty. But when I think of what I have in abundance it is love, joy, and pet fur.

There is no shortage of love around me. My amazing husband, family, friends, and even the kids I teach. I love them all. There are people in this world who don’t have that in their lives. They are alone for various reasons and they just want to feel loved and cared about. I never forget how fortunate I am that I have never had to wonder if anyone loved me. If you’re like me and feel the bounty of love share it with those around you who need it.

As a fur parent, I am never not covered in fur. With two shedding animals I have a feeling that will not change. With Tesla who has so much hair she can make a mini version of herself in a couple of days of shedding and Chester who taught me cats shed too, all the time, our house is perpetually furry. Even when I dust and vacuum every day it is still hairy.

But really I would never trade these sweet members of my family for a spotless house. I have a generous amount of pet fur in my house, but my heart is overflowed with love for the animals they come off of.

I challenge you to hunt for the bounty in your life, especially when at first thought you can’t think of anything. Then once you find it share it and help others see their bounty.

Renee blogs over at If Spoons Could Talk. Sharing recipes, tips, reviews and techniques with her readers. During the school year she can be found in local schools substitute teaching. In her spare time you can find her in the kitchen of her and her husband’s home, cooking with a camera nearby. With a Food and Culinary Science degree you can bet she whips up some easy, healthy recipes. Find her at If Spoons Could Talk Facebook Page, Twitter and Instagram.

July 1, 2016

Alicia Dowell: Summer Squash Hash {Foodie Friday}

Celebrating the Bounty of Arkansas

The rising temperatures mean lots of fresh veggies straight from the garden. If you can’t grow your own food or just don’t have time to add to your busy schedule, make your way to your local farmer’s market. I have made friends with a couple of local farmers since I lost all my plants to a huge storm. This means I have some great treats leaving with me from my local market on Tuesday and Saturday. The hues of yellow, white, green and red make me eager to make supper.

In past years it has been hard to get my daughter to eat those delicious vegetables. I tried everything including frying some but no luck until this year. I finally got her to believe squash and zucchini hash is the best thing. It was a simple idea which came to me. After a long day at work, I was tired and didn’t feel like spending a huge part of my evening cooking. Also with it being so hot already, I wanted something which could be left alone and not require me to stand over the stove. I had some squash and zucchini so I thought I would give it a try in some some hash – maybe even sneak in one or two more items my daughter normally wouldn’t eat.

This hash is really easy and simple to make. If you have a child old enough to help, this is a great way to get them started in the kitchen. Allow your child to help by washing the vegetables, peeling the onion (if they don’t mind onion) or cutting the vegetables. My daughter has expressed an interest of wanting to cook more and this has been a great opportunity for her to learn.

Alicia Dowell: Summer Squash Hash

Ingredients

2 yellow Squash
2 zucchini
1 medium onion
4 tablespoons of Riceland Rice Bran Oil
Salt and Pepper

Instructions

Cut the squash and zucchini into quarters
Dice the onion.
Heat the rice oil in a cast iron skillet.
Add the onion and cook half way.
Add the squash, zucchini, salt and pepper.
Cook until the vegetables are soft.
You can also use butter if you would like a richer taste.

https://arkansaswomenbloggers.com/alicia-dowell-summer-squash-hash-foodie-friday/

Simple Words by A

Born and raised in Arkansas, Alicia Dowell loves her home state. She grew up on her family farm in Southwest Arkansas. She was taught a deep love of caring for animals, growing a garden, and the slower way of life. Alicia married her college sweetheart and welcomed her daughter a year later. She can still be found in Southwest Arkansas on their one acre farm or on Instagram which fuels her photography habit

June 30, 2016

The Bounty in my Backyard

By Heather Wilson

It was almost a year ago I made the move from a coastal city of over one and a half million to an ocean-less, rural Northwest Arkansas town; population two-thousand – and two. It was an adjustment, a culture shock; a struggle. I longed for the world and life I left behind to become a ‘fuller’-time stepmother; to live a whole new way of life and to expose myself to thoughts and ideas that were, to say the least, foreign to me. I was scared and unsure. I wanted to open my mind, yet I hesitated. I kept hearing, “Give it a year.” It might as well have been, “Give it a lifetime,” until one day, I’m not quite sure when, I started realizing what was in front of me is just as important as what I had felt I left behind.

When my husband and I first moved into our home; a home we could not have afforded in our past place of residence, we were greeted by the humidity and mosquitos of summer in the south. I saw a mouse and cried, surprised thereafter that others didn’t see this as a huuuge deal. On the second day after our arrival, we watched through the window as two young bucks zealously ate flowers less than five feet from where we stood; spotted little Bambis, if you will. For this city girl it was a whole new experience watching deer eat in MY own yard. Soon the lightning bugs followed and childhood memories came to mind. Cool drinks on the deck swing watching the leaves of our walnut and oak trees sway as they went from green to yellow and orange served as a reminder I would now get to experience seasons; and an autumn with an abundance of color and beauty I hadn’t seen in years. The leaves fell, the groundhogs hibernated and the hummingbirds migrated to warmer pastures while the cardinals stayed displaying their striking red against the silhouette of winter. The sunsets peeked through the trees and soon the cold wasn’t so bitter as the backdrop of the land we call our backyard began to feel more like home.

Along with spring came the fragrance of honeysuckle and the brightest of roses planted by my husband I excitedly walk out to see and smell each morning. The days and nights roasting s’mores over the fire pit, hearing the laughter of my stepdaughters in a way only children can laugh and finally understanding why I’m here have passed quickly. And somehow, sometime I realized the importance of that which is bigger than I: Open-mindedness to a whole new world and adventure upon which I embarked; the love of family; the love of children I would have otherwise not gotten to know. This is why I am here-for an education that cannot come from a book.

The spots have disappeared since that hot July afternoon and our two young bucks are now in velvet. They along with members of their family visit daily, almost fearless of our presence. Perhaps they come to remind me not to forget how far I’ve come and of this bounty; a bounty that awaited me greater than any treasure I could have imagined. And they remind me, I’ve found it in my backyard.

Miami, Florida native Heather Wilson is an Air Force brat who said she’d never marry a man in the military, so of course she did. After her husband finished his career in the US Navy, they made the move from San Diego, California to his native rural Northwest Arkansas to be with his children. Honored with Business Traveler Magazine’s title of Business Traveler of the Year, Heather is an events and experiential marketing expert, cancer survivor, tea aficionado and biker chick who strives to live the ‘gift is in the giving’. She is amusing herself and others learning to be a city girl living in a country world. You can follow her adventures at Country Life, City Wife and via social media on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest.

June 27, 2016

Here Are A Few Of My Favorite Things…

By Dr. Margaret Rutherford, Miss June 2016

It’s a little hard, three and a half years later, to pick out my “fav” posts.

But that’s what I’ve been asked to write about, in this, my final week of being Miss June on Arkansas Women Bloggers.

I’ve loved doing it. Thanks again to the powers that be for inviting me to the party.

Like a first child, my first post has to be one of my favorites. I initially began blogging about my empty nest experience, terming it NestAche. I didn’t quite know what people would think, presenting myself as being totally vulnerable and acting the part. But write it I did, just the way it happened. My first full day of empty nest… I’ve gone on to write several posts on the topic, with one of the more visited (and pinned…) being how to prepare for empty nest before you ever get there.

But then, the second child comes along, and you love them just as much. I liked this post, about letting go with intention, because I knew I was moving on in my own journey, with empty nest, with blogging, with my life. It was a marker for me.

Times really were changing, and I was changing with them.

The third child turned out to be twins. Written within a few months of one another, they are by far my most popular posts. On very different subjects, and launched from my new website, I was floored by “going viral”. This initial post on Perfectly Hidden Depression (PHD) sparked more than a hundred private emails to me. People wanted me to know how relieved they were — that someone was describing their lonely and painful life. I have since become passionate about the topic, and am researching and writing a book.

The second twin was fairly casually written in my sunroom, right before my 24th wedding anniversary. I wrote about what marriage was for me, and what it wasn’t. I called it “Marriage Is Not For Sissies.” 50,000 shares and 200,000 FB likes later (on The Huffington Post) and I was almost catatonic. I was skewered for using the word “sissy,” which I had no clue had any homophobic meaning, and HuffPost changed it. It’s what my brothers called me when I was scared of something.

That taught me to Google things before I wrote them down.

Two others bring a tear to my eye — both about my own personal life. And grief. I’ll let them speak for themselves.

The first about my friend Gary.

The other… my mom.

I’ll keep writing. On PHD. On marriage and midlife. On mental illness, confronting its stigma and getting appropriate treatment.

My hope is that one thing is evident in each post, no matter what the topic.

I am trying to help people believe in change, believe in healing — and believe in themselves.

June 26, 2016

Sunday Link-up {June 26, 2016}

Your momma’ told you it was good to share. Go ahead. #SundayLinkUp #ARWB

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June 24, 2016

Capi Peck’s Summer Panzanella Salad {Foodie Friday}

Featuring Chef Capi Peck, sharing the bounty of Arkansas with #ArkansasGrown produce.

This is one of my favorite things to make and eat in the heat of the summer when our Arkansas tomatoes are coming on strong.

Capi Peck's Summer Panzanella Salad

2016-06-24 05:19:56

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For the bread

3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
6 cups 1-inch bread cubes, cut from French baguettes
1 teaspoon Kosher salt

For the vinaigrette

1 teaspoon minced garlic cloves
1/2 teaspoon Dijon mustard
3 tablespoons white wine vinegar
1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

Remaining ingredients for the salad

2 large Arkansas heirloom tomatoes, cut 1-inch cubes
1 large cucumber, seeded, large dice
1 each red and yellow bell pepper, cut 1-inch pieces
1 Vidalia or other sweet onion, thinly sliced
25 large fresh basil leaves, coarsely chopped or torn
3 tablespoons capers, drained

Instructions

Heat 3 tablespoons olive oil in large pan or stockpot over medium heat. Add the bread cubes and salt. Stir well to coat the bread. Cook, stirring often, until slightly browned, adding a little more oil if necessary. Set aside.
For the vinaigrette, whisk garlic cloves, mustard, vinegar and olive oil together. Taste and add salt as needed. Set aside.
Prep the remaining ingredients and place in a large mixing bowl. Add toasted bread cubes and vinaigrette. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Let sit at room temperature for 30 minutes so that the flavors can marry.
Optional ingredients: crumbled feta or blue cheese, Kalamata olives, diced avocado

By Capi Peck of Trio's Restaurant in Little Rock

Arkansas Women Bloggers https://arkansaswomenbloggers.com/

Sharing the bounty of #ArkansasGrown products @TriosLR @CapiPeck #ARWB #panzanella

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About Capi

Capi Peck is a Little Rock native who calls herself a “self-taught good cook”. Her love of great food and cooking grew from her childhood experiences at her family’s establishment, the Sam Peck Hotel. Capi’s grandparents ran the well-known downtown spot that brought a cosmopolitan flair and grand cuisine to Little Rock in the 1950’s and 1960’s. As a tribute to her culinary roots, Capi serves a few of Sam Peck’s creations at Trio’s, the restaurant she has co-owned with her partner, Brent Peterson for nearly 30 years.

Capi is committed to featuring locally grown produce whenever possible. She supports more than eight Arkansas farming families by offering their produce on her ever-changing menu.

Strawberries from Caddo Crest Orchard in Guy

Capi serves as Chair of Little Rock’s Advertising and Promotion Commission and is immediate past president of the Arkansas Restaurant Association.

She is very committed to the No Kid Hungry Program, part of Arkansas Hunger Relief Alliance, where she serves as a volunteer chef in the Cooking Matters classes.

Capi is proudest of her extended family at both Trio’s. More than 10 of her staff have worked with her for over 18 years and 4 have been part of the Trio’s family for 23 or more years.

About Trio’s (Courtesy of Trio’s Restaurant)

“Trio’s Restaurant, which began in 1986 as a gourmet shop with “good food to go” along with cookbooks, coffee, gadgets, and a well-stocked deli, has evolved into one of the finest dining and catering establishments in the state. Capi Peck and Brent Peterson have nurtured Trio’s from its inception. It is their “baby,” and it has grown into an award-winning restaurant known for innovation and consistency.

Trio’s patio

So many of Trio’s loyal customers began their culinary adventures more than 20 years ago as toddlers at the Trio’s table. And, for many displaced Arkansans, a visit home wouldn’t be complete without a meal at Trio’s with family and friends. Most important are the employees who were here almost from the beginning including Partner Stephanie Caruthers, who started at Trio’s as a baker in 1987, and directs the Catering Department. Apollos Merriweather, who many of you know from his catering work for Trio’s, has been part of the Trio’s team since 1988. Our catering would not be what it is today without Apollos! Eric Wilson began as a dishwasher in 1986! He runs the day kitchen line and is famous for his grilled chicken enchiladas. And, a few of the familiar faces of our floor staff have been with Trio’s for 10+ years: Richard LeSourd, Michelle Lee, and Wayne Pyland. Chef Shanna Merriweather, our Executive Chef, began as an apprentice while in culinary school. She’s a calm leader in the kitchen, and her culinary creativity shines throughout our menu.

The “Trio’s Family” extends far and wide, and Capi and Brent have successfully fostered the fundamental ideal of “hearth and home” in the staff at Trio’s. We all believe that ideal is the key to our success. And, of course, there’s the food!”

Note: Tri0’s was recently named the best Farm-to-Table Restaurant in Arkansas by Travel and Leisure Magazine.

Bounty of Friendship

By Yavonda Chase

When I first heard that bounty was the topic for June, I immediately started thinking about all of the blessings in my life. I thought about my wonderful husband, my beautiful daughter, the rest of my slightly crazy, but always supportive family, my new job that I really enjoy and my great friends.

And I was thankful.

Then I wondered how I was ever going to choose one thing out of all of those blessings to write about.

But then this weekend happened, and this post started to write itself.

I think one of the (not-so-fun) truths of growing older is that friends often move away. If you’re lucky, they only move an hour or so away. Unfortunately, I never seem to be that fortunate. My friends’ moves are typically more of the “I now live more hours away than you can think about driving in one day with kid in tow” variety.

And so, when they come back into town, it is a treat.

This weekend, I was truly blessed. Not one, but two of my longtime friends returned to town. Since they were only here for a few days, we packed as much togetherness in that time as possible. As I, and other local friends, all gathered together to see these friends, I was reminded of how much of a blessing friendship is.

Sometimes it is so easy to forget or take for granted our friends, especially the ones we rely on the most. But when they no longer live just down the block from you or share the desk next to yours, you realize how much you depend on them to just be there.

And while Facebook and email are great for keeping in touch with your friends, it just isn’t the same as sushi lunches or nights out with the girls. It doesn’t hold you when your heart is breaking because of a death of a loved one or hug you with joy when your heart is full because of a promotion at work and the graduation of your child from Kindergarten. Social media is a cold substitute for the human contact of good friends.

So this weekend, I reveled in all of my friendships – the friends who have moved away and the friends who are still here with me. I laughed too much; I ate too much; I probably drank too much; and I just enjoyed being with my wonderful friends.

The Bounty of Friendship is one of life’s greatest blessings.

Arkansas Women Bloggers member Yavonda Chase writes about life, love and everything else at SimplyYavonda.com. She is a wife and mother who considers her daughter to be her greatest accomplishment. She was born in Kentucky and still cheers for the Kentucky Wildcats, but has lived in Arkansas for 30 years and proudly calls Central Arkansas home.

Blog: www.simplyyavonda.com

Twitter: @YavondaChase

Instagram: @Yavs

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/simplyyavonda/