Tag: glitterandrainbows

Cleaning Me {Spring Cleaning}

Cleaning Me {Spring Cleaning}
written by M.D. of Glitter & Rainbows 

Ever since the days have gotten a little longer thanks to Daylight Saving Time, and the weather has been consistently warmer, I have had the itch to get outside and spiff up my yard. It is something that needs doing, and it is much more appealing to me than traditional spring cleaning chores inside my house. I usually start with a little job in mind, say, weed one flower bed, and next thing you know I’ve been outside for a few hours doing this-and-that.

It isn’t easy work. I am usually sore the next day. But it also feels really good. Digging in the dirt, watching the little miracle of nature sending up her shoots and blooms, I am exhausted and happy. I often find my mind wandering, and little jewels of truth occur to me when I am least expecting it.

 

 

Here is what my mind conjured up while I was working in a flower bed recently.

I could do a cosmetic job and just pop the tops off the weeds. The bed will look good, but not for long. Those weeds will come back with a vengeance if I don’t take the time to do it right. Digging deep is hard work. Sometimes the root goes far down and plunging my fingers into the unknown is sometimes creepy. It is no telling what I will discover. Beetles, worms, spiders even. Rocks, mystery bulbs, mole tunnels.

It is doing these things in my flower beds that reminds me I need to do these things in my life. If I’m feeling bad or discouraged, a simple fix can usually lift my mood for awhile — treating myself to fancy coffee or buying a new pair of flip flops. These are good things to do for myself occasionally, but I can’t stop there. If I don’t dig deep, despite the scary things I might find, my garden, my self, may never be all that it can be. I know that my life, like my garden, will require maintenance. But if I do the hard work from the very beginning, maintaining it will be much easier.

 

 

Sometimes we mourn getting rid of the weeds in our lives. They are our comfortable way of existence. Perhaps when pulling them, we honor the impact they’ve had on us and we make a wish on them for the future.

My mom has said that she likes working in the yard because she can see where’s she’s been. I knew what she meant, but I didn’t really understand it until I had a yard of my own to piddle around in. It feels good to accomplish something. And so many times in life, we may not be able to tell right away if what we are doing is having an impact, if the work we are doing on ourselves is making a difference.

 

 

Digging in the ground, getting dirt under my fingernails, yanking up weeds, it is therapeutic. The act itself is good for the body and the result is good for the mind. It makes me feel great to get out, soak up some vitamin D and get moving. And the coming of spring reminds me of all the little things to be grateful for. When I am having a hard time personally, I get that tunnel vision that makes nothing seem right. Spring’s arrival has helped me to take those blinders off and pay attention to the little things in life. The squirrels chasing each other, the rabbits that like to hang out under our deck, the birds building a nest in the box on our apple tree, the bulbs I transplanted from my Granny’s garden that are working their way out of the earth.

While I am spring cleaning in my yard, Spring is cleaning me.

 

M.D. is married with two fur-babies. She writes about trying to add to her family, and whatever else crosses her mind, at Glitter & Rainbows.

Quest(ion) {Love Story}

Quest(ion) {Love Story}
Written by  M. D. of Glitter & Rainbows

For me, despite deep desire and prolonged effort, this remains a question: Children are the future?

My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a few years. Sometimes this dream of ours has seemed more like a quest, in the literary sense. Our Holy Grail, our Golden Fleece is a child to love, raise and call our own. We have confronted many obstacles, if not literal dragons, in our path.

On this journey I have cried, I have blamed, I have questioned, I have prayed. I have been hopeful and depressed. I’ve done my research, and I received advice — good and bad, helpful and hurtful. I’ve been ashamed and secretive. I’ve decided to be as open as I can, and through blogs I have met many others who are trying to find their way to the same goal.

I have had my feet in stirrups, scopes through my bellybutton, dye shot through my fallopian tubes. I’ve taken Clomid, Femara, Metformin, my temperature. I’ve had five inseminations and zero positive pregnancy tests. Hubby has been checked out and shot up, all to no avail.

I’ve been fingerprinted and background-checked. I’ve frankly answered multi-page questionnaires about my upbringing and marriage. I’ve put check marks on forms asking whether I will accept a child who likes to set fires or defecates inappropriately, or whether it is OK if our child has AIDS or uses a wheelchair.

I still can’t answer whether children are our future. Being of modest means, in-vitro fertilization and private adoption seem out of our reach. We are at the mercy of a budget-friendly fertility treatment miracle or the public foster-to-adopt process, both of which we are pursuing. Both are frustratingly slow.

There is a chance our child has already been born, or perhaps not born but conceived. There is still a chance for a pregnancy of our own. I can’t know what is to come; on faith I just keep moving forward, keep fighting. Our quest continues. I can only hope the last chapter tells of a little child being tucked in to sleep in a bright-green bedroom.

 

M. D. is married with two fur-babies. She writes about trying to add to her family at Glitter & Rainbows.