Category: Life

Finding Love Online {Love Story}

Written by Jamie Smith of Jamie’s Thots.

I have to admit, I’m almost embarrassed sometimes to tell people that I met my husband on MySpace. Considering the site’s reputation and the
general perception that people seem to have of relationships that start online, part of me wants to say “wemetonMyspacebutitistotallylegitimate.”

Yes, all fast and together like that.

The truth is, meeting online is not so uncommon any more. It’s not just the people looking for a green card or people who don’t feel comfortable
interacting with the opposite sex unless they are behind a computer screen. As online interactions become more interwoven throughout our life
experience, it almost seems inevitable that people will meet their soul mate through some kind of social media or online experience.

But I digress.

Let’s start at the beginning.

In late 2006 and 2007, I was going through some of the most difficult times of my life. Heart wrenching, devastating and abusive. It was at
this time, I decided to try the whole “God thing” from my childhood a try so I started attending church in Southwest Missouri, about 45 minutes from the gabillion churches that were down the street. It was there that I heard a New Year’s Day sermon that included the letter from a well-known pastor titled “Let it GO!”

I found the text of this letter and posted it to one of my blogs, the one on MySpace. At this point, my MySpace blogs were more for me rather than
other people. I liked it when people read them and commented, but they were more for my self expression and gauging of healing and growth than anything else.

That was why I was surprised to get a late-night (as in middle of the night) email from someone about this blog, which really contained no
original thought. It was a nice note, a guy from a nearby town simply saying that the letter had ideas that he too has had to learn in life and
that his mom really likes that pastor who was quoted and thanks for posting it.

Now at first, I didn’t respond. I had a series of incredibly negative experiences with men who had found me on MySpace. They were abusive,
confused and just really unhealthy. It was because of these experiences that I had decided to stop dating and focus on figuring out this whole
“relationship with God thing.” It wasn’t a “man ban” per se, but in effect I guess that’s what it was!

But something kept me from deleting the message. A few days, maybe a week later, I read it again and decided, “you know, he’s not hitting on me.
He’s not asking anything of me. He’s commenting on a blog that is about God.” So, I sent him a message back that thanked him and made some other nice conversational comment.

He replied back. I don’t even remember what it was, but something about what he said caught my interest and I wanted to know more about the topic so we engaged in an email conversation that spanned a couple of days. It turned out, by the way, that the odd hour of his email wasn’t creepy at all. He worked third shift so for him, 3 a.m. was the middle of the day, not the night.

We started talking and as crazy as this sounds, we both realized after about two weeks that we would start dating and that it would be a serious
relationship. I was already thinking “this is the kind of guy I want to marry some day.” I was too practical to say “I’ve found the ONE.”…
especially considering we had never met in real life!

We planned our first date at a restaurant off I-540 in Springdale, which was halfway between my home in Bentonville and his in Fayetteville. Oh,
that’s another thing. When people discover we met online, they assume it was a long-distance relationship. We were both right here in Northwest
Arkansas.

We met for breakfast and finally decided it might be good if we left when the lunch crowd started coming in. In some ways, we took things slow
because we had both been burned. And we were both too practical to do too much stupid! But our relationship quickly grew and we were determined to base it on God, which I think is why we are successful.

But truly, since the first moment I’ve met him, John has been the greatest gift God could ever give me. He’s fairly quiet whereas I’m more social.
That, and the weird hours that we work means most people in my life haven’t met him. When they do, the resounding comment that I get is “you
can just tell how much he loves you and how special of a man he is.” That makes my eyes fill with grateful tears every time I hear it.

Our first date was March 30, 2007 and we were married in Springdale on Sept. 21, 2008. We just celebrated our three-year anniversary. It’s been a tough three years, but not in the sense that most newlyweds mean. We’ve been thrown a lot of curveballs through the form of job losses,
life-threatening illnesses, financial struggles, major depressions, family deaths…you name it. But instead of these events tearing us down or pitting us against each other, we’ve been able to use them to draw us closer to God and to each other.

I often wonder how we would have found each other if it hadn’t been for my willingness to write a blog and him being willing to reach out with his
own views on it. I just know I’m grateful we had the opportunity.

—
Jamie Smith

New Year, New Phase of Life: The Return to Work {New Year, New You}

New Year, New Phase of Life: The Return to Work {New Year, New You}
Written by Stephanie McCratic of Evolved Mommy.

At the beginning of 2011 I started to feel like I needed to be doing something professionally. My year-and-a-half old daughter had a calendar packed with play dates; I had started a new mommy group with scheduled speakers, childcare, crafts and bonding activities; but I needed something more.

Freelance writing seemed like a natural transition. My blog had been gaining readership steadily over the past couple years, and I had done some freelance magazine writing and public relations work years ago.

A friend had also talked me into starting a jewelry home show business. The money was good and it forced me to get out of the house and socialize with people whom I’d never met. It’s not anything that I’m terribly proud of, but it taught me some good lessons.

After a whirlwind and dizzying year I now find myself gainfully employed as a social media strategist for a local marketing firm. And, no kidding, some of the biggest national clients I’ve landed have come to me directly because of my home show business.

The beauty of the situation is that my schedule is a flexible 30 hours per week. I started at 20 hours per week, which was a nice way to transition back to an office /day job setting. Now at the current 30 hour schedule I still get one weekday off with my toddler-turning-preschooler. If I were working 40 hours per week I would only see her for the 2-3 hours between when she gets home and when she goes to bed each night.

This arrangement is fantastic for our family, and it isn’t an option with every job. Although, I think it should be more common than it is.

How is my day different today than it was last year at this time:

Then Now

stretchy clothes Heels
10 am play dates 7 am professional development groups
Nap strikes anxious clients and lost emails
Quality time with baby Stimulating adult conversation

Returning to work isn’t for everyone at this stage, in just the same way that staying home isn’t for everyone.

Life has changed drastically in the last two month:

–          My body weight has increase, I’m assuming from stress eating or maybe business lunches or possibly even just winter.
–          My schedule is still a little wonky.
–          My husband and I haven’t yet figured out who takes our daughter to childcare and picks her up on what days.
–          The people I see regularly are changing (and this is the hardest part). I rarely see my mommy friends these days.

Hopefully, the dust will settle soon and the mental, emotional and financial rewards will be more obviously apparent.

No matter what, though, I still want a nap at 2:00 p.m.

Stephanie McCratic is the author of EvolvedMommy.com, where she writes about technology, trends and (mostly) non-sense for the modern mom. She has recently returned to work after two years as a stay-at-home mom. Her official title is Community Shepherd, but that’s just fancy, marketing speak for social media strategist at The Belford Group in Fayetteville, Arkansas, where she tweets and blogs professionally.

Intentional Resolutions {New Year, New You}

Intentional Resolutions {New Year, New You}
Written by Heidi Clark of The Busy Nothings.

I hate New Years Resolutions.

I took a personalty test last fall and discovered my driving force is passion… followed closely by rebellion. Wait- what? Rebellion? How is that… good? SO… I’m passionately… rebellious at times and one of said times is around New Years when everyone around me is cheerily listing all the things that they are going to do better at in the New Year. Exercise, eating, you name it. I rolled my eyes at them. It seems so cheesy and like everyone puts off doing what they know is right until January 1st, then are overwhelmed with all the change at once and when they stumble or fail, feel bad then scrap the whole deal. It always seemed silly and I have obnoxiously told people in the past I made a resolution to never make a resolution.

But then, I realized I HAD been making New Years Resolutions, hypocrite that I am, just subconsciously over the year and in my own passively rebellious way:

– I started the Couch to 5K in November. I am not a runner and always spouted off that people who liked to run were probably running from some major issues in their lives. The fact is that I like to challenge myself and I wanted to see if I could ever run again and actually enjoy it too. I don’t really enjoy it yet, but I love the feeling of accomplishment that I have gotten from this fairly easy program. It’s amazing! Part of the reason that I started it in November was because my 61-year-old father told me he was training for a 5K. I was like- “Ummm- NO way my old dad will be in better shape than me!” and now we have a playful competition in which he’s totally smoking me… The other reason I decided to start running in November was to be ahead of all the people who were going to start in January. Wow. My lack of maturity staggers me at times. There’s that little rebellion with equal parts a competitive nature.

-I have not purchased new clothing from a store in MONTHS and have decided not to as long as I can, which is a part of a lot of people’s Resolution- to spend less. This has been partly because my husband lost his job last summer so I couldn’t afford to and partly because I thought it’d be a challenge to scour garage sales, local thrift and goodwill stores and see if I could still look trendy. Plus- I can buy MORE clothes for less money! Yes, an obvious fact to many! It’s a lot more fun of a challenge now that my husband has a job again! This has become a regular series on my blog as I find new ways to re-use old clothes, upcycle and accessorize cheaply.

-I have gone Gluten Free. OK, that is not a new thing actually. I cheat occasionally, but overall I’ve been Gluten Free for over a year now. What IS a new thing is trying recipes that involve some “from scratch” cooking. Don’t get me wrong- I cook from scratch a lot but when it comes to *baking* Gluten Free I’ve been a ‘from the box’ kind of girl. I baked some things from scratch that were horrible and some (a few) that were great and this year is about trying new things and experimenting in the effort to be healthier and save money. Failure is OK, I’m not perfect, (is what I keep telling myself).

-and speaking of FAILURE, I’ve started counting calories. This year. This could be viewed as some as a New Years Resolution… but it isn’t. It’s simply a decision that I made the first week of the New Year. Weird coincidence, huh? 🙂 This is hard for me- once again my rebellious nature growls at the shackles of restriction, especially in an area that I love: FOOD. But what I’ve found out almost 2 weeks in and 4 lbs less, is that it WORKS. There is freedom in self control that I have found more liberating than a bag of chips and spinach dip ever did. Barely, and not every day, but I’ve realized that I actually enjoy food more now! My goal is to be at the place where I’ve learned portion control, but in my busy, emotional eating world, counting is helping me a lot right now.

The last few year I’ve felt reactionary to everything. My husband, my little boys, and LIFE. This year I want to be more intentional- and it starts with taking care of myself. This list may seem a little selfish to some but it’s when I’m whole and healthy that I can pour out to others in a good way and my family benefits the most. I am rebellious and committing to change can be hard for me. I may joke around a lot, but the fact is that I passionately love life and want to live it in the fullest possible way and that does start with change. Which I’m making in a very non- New Year’s Resolution kind of way. 🙂

I’m Heidi, I’m a thirty-something wife and mom. I’m passionate about my boys, one of who has a rare genetic disorder which led me to cook much healthier and gluten free. I love being real and writing about my couch to 5k journey, finding fashion from thrift stores and garage sales and occasionally picking up a good DIY project. I decorate and free-lance write in my spare time. You can read more about me on my blog The Busy Nothings.

Celebrate Recovery {New Year, New You}

Celebrate Recovery {New Year, New You}
Written by Jamie Smith of Jamie’s Thots (Jamie’s blog will soon be moving to Jamiesthots.com so stay posted!)

I don’t know if I’m brave or just crazy, but for the “New Year, New You” series, I want to share about Celebrate Recovery.

It’s an interesting balance—wanting to protect my own anonymity yet wanting to shout from the rooftops about a program that, when I work it, actually makes a profound impact on my life. With that said, expect some vagueness from me. It’s not trying to be all “vague Facebook status update melodrama queen.” There’s simply just some stuff ya’ll don’t need to know. You do, however, need to know about how your life can be changed through Celebrate Recovery.

So what is Celebrate Recovery? CR is a faith-based recovery program for all of life’s “hurts, habits and hang-ups.” When most of us think of recovery programs, we think of drug addicts, alcoholics or some other obvious, possibly illegal habit. Consider this: what about the person who needs to recover from being a victim of childhood sexual abuse? Or who is struggling with self-debilitating anger towards a wayward spouse? Or someone who has a habit of being controlling and manipulative…even with the best intentions at heart?

Every hurt, habit or hang-up that consumes our lives and keeps us from functioning like a full healthy individual is something that needs recovery. Going into recovery isn’t about being weak; it’s about being strong enough to admit you can’t do it by yourself.

For me, it’s about dealing with the deeper issues that were at the root of a lot of different self-destructive habits. I’ve spent a lot of time in the last six years working to “take my life back” from lots of pain and inner turmoil that led to severe morbid obesity in the outward manifestation, and a whole lot of inner junk as the internal manifestation.

Celebrate Recovery operates from Eight Recovery Principles, all which are based on the Beatitudes. Incorporated into those Principles are the 12 Recovery Steps, which are very similar to the 12 steps that are found in most secular recovery programs.

CR is very group based with group meetings once a week where everyone is together for the first hour for a time of celebration and a lesson. The second hour is for small groups, which are based on the participant’s hurt, habit or hang-up. Small groups include Eating Issues, Divorce Recovery, Adult Child of an Alcoholic…just to name a few.

The second part, possibly the most important and most difficult, is the Step Study. This is a small group that meets together weekly and you go through the 12 steps together. This is where the real work … and the real healing happens. It’s where your heart will be torn raw, the damage will be exposed—and when you finally get to experience relief and recovery. The small groups and Step Studies are divided into groups of men and women, by the way.

Does Celebrate Recovery “fix” you? No. It doesn’t take anything away. It gives you a faith-based way of dealing with the pain and moving on in your life in a complete and healthy way. I’ve tried lots of methods for dealing with all the inner crap and this has been the only successful tool. I’ve heard addicts and other people in CR talk about the program and they say that it has been more effective in their lives than any other, secular recovery program.

So as we all start a new year and look at a “new us,” I think it’s important to look at what changes we want to make on the inside.

To me, it’s about more than making resolutions for better behavior. It’s about a life-altering, complete turnaround of our thought process, emotions and faith.

Are you ready to recover from a hurt, habit or hang-up?

*A note from the editor – Celebrate Recovery is a Christ-centered recovery program but is considered non-denominational and is offered at many different churches including 29 cities around Arkansas. You can click here to find a program near you or you can visit the Celebrate Recovery website to learn more about the program.

Retro Wednesday {Life}

Several Arkansas Women Bloggers share there thoughts on different aspects of life in this weeks edition of Retro Wednesday!

My (REEL) Life

Amy of I Wonder Wye is talking movies in My (REEL) Life! What kind of movies do you like?

All Gone

In Musings of Mother Hood Sarah talks about the exorcism of their coffeemaker in her post All Gone.

On Being Ma’am-ed

Michelle, mother of three and author of Panama Mama, struggles On Being Ma’am-ed. A little research and she’s changed her outlook!

Outward Adornment

Life is hard. After the unexpected loss of her son Peyton, of More than Conquerors had to find joy in unexpected things like a pretty cross necklace. Read about it in her post Outward Adornment.

Do you have a post on your blog that you would love to share with our readers? Each Wednesday we are featuring several posts from our archives as well as your archives. If you would like to submit a post for our Retro Wednesday feature please email a short excerpt (300 characters or less) along with a link to the post, your name, and blog title to Julie@arkansaswomenbloggers.com with “Retro Wednesday” in the subject line. Please note that we will keep an ongoing list of Retro Wednesday posts and may not be able to notify you regarding the specific day on which your link will appear. Additionally, if you are interested in submitting original content for our site, check out our Posting Guidelines.

Heathen. Heretic. Non-believer. Agnostic. Atheist.

Living in a place like Arkansas, these are such negative words. Okay, the first two really just are negative, and I mostly use them in jest. But what do you think about those last three? What do you think about people who are agnostic? Atheistic? Non-believers?

What do you think about me?

I don’t know exactly where I fit on that spectrum. I can say this: I am not religious. I don’t consider myself a spiritual person. I disagree with a lot of what is taught by religious institutions. But I don’t like to identify myself as what I don’t believe. Sure, I don’t have a religion; but I do have a worldview. I believe that I am responsible for my own happiness, my own behavior, my own future. I believe it is possible for people to develop values, morals and ethics without relying on belief in a deity who imposes them.

Living in a city with nearly 60 percent of its population affiliated with a religion, I feel like an oddball. A little left out.

Religion does have a way of binding people together. Yes, about half of my friends are religious, and the other half are not. But those of us who aren’t don’t gather together, united by our lack of religiosity. We could, though. I know that there are groups, and I’ve looked into some of them, but none of them really seem to fit my family’s needs.

What would that look like, I wonder? Maybe a group of parents who are raising their children outside the religious institution? A group that meets regularly to discuss how we do that, to find common ground? A group that throws baby showers and provides meals for group members when they are ill?

My “loss” of religion has certainly put a strain on my family of origin. I once was broken up with by a boy because of it. As I grow my own family, however, I am encouraged by the realization that I’m my own boss. I get to decide how I spend my Sunday mornings. I get to watch my children grow, unencumbered by dogma.

Living where I do, I often feel like I must be apologetic about all of this. I want to do something about this. Anybody with me?

Brooke Edwards is an almost-native Arkansan and Little Rocker. Wife to Trevor Seth. Mama to Sadie Diane. Writer for Heifer International. Brooke spends her spare time surrounded by animals, friends and food–not always in that order. She loves to read, but tends to spend an inordinate amount of time watching TV shows on the laptop computer. Brooke believes in transparent blogging and full RSS feeds. She participates in opinion polls, even when they call her cell phone.

Brooke’s Blog is Parenting from Scratch.

Poetry and Coon Hunting

I couldn’t have told you this morning who Arséne Houssaye was, and at this moment I can tell you little beyond the fact the he was a 19th century French poet credited with one of my favorite quotes. “Tell me whom you love, and I will tell you what you are.” Heavy stuff, right?

This post will be the first time many readers have heard from me, so I thought it only appropriate to tell you what I am. The best way to do that is to tell you what, and whom, I’ve loved. I transplanted myself from a very rural area into a small city for college and then a bigger city for work. It’s a common story, so common that I took it as a given. After two layoffs in two years, I’m questioning that assumption.

It is only in recent years that I have come to a full realization of what I left behind and how much I miss it. I miss traipsing through my parents’ huge garden, getting tangled in the blackberry patch with my grandmother, and tearing up and down the gravel road on bikes and bare feet with the gaggle of cousins who lived whistling-distance away. Family and friends are not unique to growing up in the country, I realize, but they were a legacy I was born into there rather than something I’ve had to struggle to recreate for myself in the city. I miss that ease.

Sometimes I wonder if I gave up my birthright. I miss little girls who were more concerned with fishing than beauty pageants. I miss young men that were raised to be gentleman and knew how to treat a woman like a lady. I miss one in particular who had the audacity to ask me to go raccoon hunting on our first “date.”

Yes, I’m serious. And I went. If you are still with me at this point, you will enjoy the story.

I looked in askance at his Bevis and Butthead T-shirt, a choice of attire that I knew my parents would notice, not mention, perhaps, but notice. He handed me his sister’s coveralls. She was four years younger than me and all of a size two. I could not have fit one leg into them on my best day. The first sparks of infatuation were, perhaps, even more blinding than love. Embarrassed, I pointed out the obvious. He offered me his coveralls and traded up to his dad’s. I, by the grace of God, slid the pair on. They weren’t a bad fit once a foot or so of the legs were rolled into cuffs. There was a height difference between the two of us that soon made me gain a whole new appreciation for porch steps and truck step-sides.

I climbed into the truck, not knowing until later that I had ousted Ace from his seat of honor in the cab. That fine dog suffered the indignity of the truck bed for that night at least. We were formally introduced in the back yard, and I suspect that Ace was partial to blonds. Dogs can always sense if you are a dog person, and they can sense respect versus bullshit better than any human I have ever met. If I had known half of what that dog ever forgot about his master, well, who knows where that would have led? There is something about the bond between a boy and his dog that even a seventeen-year-old’s hormones cannot overcome.

It was not the worst date I have ever been on, and it was certainly the most memorable. I have always been a sucker for old pickups and back roads, although the moonlight is hard pressed to work its magic when your companion has a shotgun in hand. We walked and talked. I do not remember what we talked about – dreams, aspirations, teachers we could not stand? After twelve years the topics have sunk into a fog. I remember him carrying me over a puddle and kneeling on the ground to re-roll the cuffs of the too long, blue coveralls. I remember thinking I would have been completely lost had I been by myself. When I remember, I forget a hundred things I learned in nights that followed, and I can see with perfect clarity why he became my first love and, in part, made me what I am.

Stephanie, originally from Wonderview, AR, now lives in our state’s capitol. A freelance graphic artist and a local-food activist, she also owns and operates Calligraphy for All Occasions (please hot link to http://www.facebook.com/stephanie.hamling#!/pages/Little-Rock-AR/Calligraphy-for-All-Occasions/110014482351548). Stephanie enjoys gardening, sewing, soap making, cooking, and running. You can indulge in more of her musings by visiting her blog proactivebridesmaid.wordpress.com, which will celebrated its fifth anniversary this June.